A superb listener is ready to be completely current and centered whereas the opposite particular person is speaking. “We will be current by listening and resisting the temptation to interpret, assume, predict, or give you a reply whereas the particular person remains to be speaking,” licensed therapist Steph Tuazon, LCSW, just lately instructed mbg.
To Tuazon’s level, you may let you know’re not truly listening to the opposite particular person if, whereas they’re speaking, you’re additionally desirous about what you wish to say in response. In case you’re in your head analyzing their phrases as they’re nonetheless talking—or worse, attempting to interrupt them to insert your personal feedback—that’s an enormous signal that you simply’re not listening properly.
Why? As a result of your focus is definitely on getting your personal level throughout (or proving your level proper, or proving your companion’s level flawed), slightly than truly understanding what’s being mentioned to you, and ensuring the speaker feels understood—the largest marks of listener.
To know in the event you actually perceive your companion’s level, Tuazon suggests attempting repeating again what you heard proper after they completed talking. In case you can’t repeat what they mentioned precisely, then you definately weren’t truly listening.
One other nice take a look at for you: After a tense dialog or argument along with your companion (or whoever), see in the event you can precisely clarify their perspective to a different particular person—importantly, with out your judgment, interpretation, or opinions inserted into it. Why have been they upset? What did they really say in response to particular belongings you introduced up?
“Not being current in a dialog can appear to be lacking an entire dialog,” she notes. In case you can’t actually give a play-by-play of their facet of the dialog, that’s a transparent signal that you simply didn’t actually perceive or internalize what they mentioned—in different phrases, your listening abilities may most likely use some work.
